I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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