good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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