i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
