Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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