There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
