whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked