I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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