I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
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Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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