I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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