I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize