Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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