fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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