That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms