She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.