just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
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Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack