she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
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The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
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I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho