Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.