her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
