a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize