I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
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Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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