i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You need Xanax blowdarts
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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