i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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