So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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