Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
