Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize