no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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