I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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