I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
