so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just blew my weed a kiss
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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