Say something about gay babies.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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