I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize