road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
