Im at strip club and am horny
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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