Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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