at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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