Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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