ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
