Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
That's intense
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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