Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
