I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
