I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
