So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
