I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
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I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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