It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
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Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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