Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
