so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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