do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
