found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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