her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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