terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize