I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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