Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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