how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
