We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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